Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Video on Trial - Girls Go to Hell in a Handbag in Music Videos

Hey Hey Hey, It Snowed Today.

(Note: I've been ad libbing snow rhyming poems all day and that is the best I could come up with. Second Place "Yo yo yo You're a ho for shoveling that snow so slow!" My sister's response: Something like "Poetry is not something you should undergo!")

Video on Trial - discovered Yesterday. Contains some crude jokes (that are not really funny), and most of the music videos torn apart I've never even heard of let alone heard, but very funny and - since every mini-episode is an analysis of videos, let's be honest, feminist issues is prevalent in pretty much EVERY ONE OF THEM. So here are some hand-picked ones. Enjoy. And don't eat before or after watching. Wretching is a possibility/ hazard.

In case you're not in the know (and I wasn't the day before yesterday), Video on Trial's wikipedia article provides a good short summary of what the TV show "Video on Trial" is all about:
'Video on Trial is a comedic television program broadcast by Canadian music television networkMuchMusic. The show consists of a panel of musicians, comedians, and entertainmentcolumnists critiquing music videos in a court room-esque manner, as suggested by its opening tagline, "the show that will never rest until all music videos are brought to justice."'
Basically, what everyone does either in their heads or with their friends every time they watch a music video.

This post is mostly left for the video on trial people to speak. I write less and they say more. Hopefully, when/ if you watched the original music video sans commentary, your thoughts went in an enraged direction.

Some videos that dissect music videos in which women go NUTS after being dumped... sooo... wrong... in sooo... many... ways... (Nota Bene: I tend to avoid attaching extra "o's" to the word "so," finding it usually unnecessary, but if you watch these... I'm sure I'll gain your approbation):

I used to like Pink... not that I knew anything about her... but this... is... I mean, a "The Shining" reference? Now, she's still not as scary as Jack Nicholson, but somehow that makes it worse. (Crude Jokes Alert.)

Again, a seriously disturbed video. Thus the video on trial episode. I don't even need to tell you what's wrong with it. It is very wrong. And not in a good way. At all.

I actually like this music video and song - but it's still worth including.

Beyonce's "Diva" - I mean, I love certain of Beryonce's songs and videos - like I have to admit "single ladies" is up there on my favorites - but this is just too easy to tear up in feminism discussion. I mean it starts out with a definition of "Diva." How much more of an invitation to debate do you need? (Note: Anything that starts out with a definition reminds you of those B.S./ Clueless Essays you wrote in middle school, which is kind of what this video is like, with objectification of women mixed in.)

Beyonce's "If I were a Boy" - acceptable if you squint your eyes and repeat to yourself that she is only talking about a certain demographic of man. Wait. Even that didn't really work... watching Beyonce make breakfast for a guy and wear a skin-tight police outfit killed it. Now, if she had worn a BAGGY police outfit, that would have been hard core. (And she'd still look gorgeous, by the by. She's Beyonce.)
On a related note, this is a similar idea to "If I Were a Boy" - but better, because Ciara's girl version and "boy" version are still both her, and the guy outfits are actual "typical" guy outfits (instead of being skin-tight) and she is purposefully using stereotypes of typical gender clothing and "roles" - dancing with the faceless "feminine" version of herself and the "guy'ed" up version of herself. This is not Video on Trial, by the way, but just the original music video.
A special thank you to my oldest sister for introducing me to this video... she is kind of a music video guru to me.

Thankfully, video on trial says what needs to be said about this video.

"Elevator" - message? Guys waiting in an elevator for women - who somehow seem to be in the mood to... (barf - not them, that was me barfing. At this video.) I love when the commentator says: if I heard a guy saying "come in baby" at the elevator, I'd take the stairs.

Pussycat Dolls "When I grow Up" - well, here goes nothing. Nothing. At all. Besides hilarity at the comments made about this video.

This music video depresses me most of all. So much. Every second. Like throwing that unconscious girl off the couch and she doesn't even wake up? I might be missing something here, but I doubt it. Sometimes I think people forget that college is actually supposed to be a higher form of education and that all that other crap is just the side-affect of students (who are in an identity crisis) living in close quarters.

Kelly Clarkson's "I do not hook up" - what? I mean I do not own a purity ring or anything, but does this mean that if you're not a ho than you are bored at some sort of lucheon with boring people? And don't get me started on my rant about the annoying ambiguity of the phrase "hook up"...

Pink's "Stupid Girls" - only watch if you have a strong stomach for 1) inappropriateness (as in nudity and promiscuosity beyond the norm) and 2) completely missapplied missused missfired FAILED attempt at feminism (WRETCH) - the people's comments are nice. I like especially at the end where the little girl's choice between being stupid and not being stupid turns out to be a choice between Barbie dolls and footballs. SO offensive for BOTH sexes not to mention just humanity in general - how is one better than the other anyway? I mean, what is that? UGH.

Generational Stuff - Britney Spears' "Lucky" - we all hated - if we were in the geeky/ self-consciously geeky crowd (me) - and loved - if we were, well, self-consciously not geeky this song in elementary school, and certainly it we all heard it a million times. A "trial" on this video is long overdue. Best Line: "I've got a better question. Why do these tears defy gravity?" XD

More Contemporary Britney Spears. A cool idea - that all the supposed different women are all her - everything else, not so cool an idea. Like the lyrics. And the music video. Note: Crude jokes in this video on trial episode, not all of which are the funny kind.

Okay, so, this, is, making, me, loose, so, many, braincells, that, I, am, short-, circuiting, and, going, comma, crazy, please, make, it, stop,

And, as a serious contrast, (with both videos still being bad):

Even after watching this video I can't seem to get Miley Cyrus in my world-view - as in literally I pretty much instantly forget she exists (thank God) - but this video definitely exemplifies the recent pattern in the media of a seriuosly twisted blend of perky pre-puberty with perky promiscuosity.

Including this 1) because the girls both in the lyrics and the video are objectified in the less promulgated "chaste" way 2) because the idea of Nick Jonas and that 30-something woman is hilarious (but, I ask myself, why? Is it because of woman's roles in our society? - and I answer, are you kidding me?), 3) Because of the line "There is nothing like discovering the girl you like is a raging pedophile."

So Long, Suckers!

-Bemusing Jo Bingo

P.S. In case you didn't know...

"When something "goes to hell" it means it's deteriorating rapidly, or on a path headed for destruction. Example:

First it rained, then a raccoon got into the food; it looked like our whole picnic was going to hell.

"Going to hell in a handbag" (sometimes said as "going to hell in a handbasket") simply means going to hell a lot faster and without any effort! (Since a handbag is easy to carry.)

Note: I used "handbag" on purpose to allude to female archetypes. Sigh.

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